The Internet can be an enjoyable place. Unfortunately for you, it’s also a place where things aren’t always what they seem – there is much truth, but there are many more lies, especially when you’re a guy talking to the opposite gender. Girls use the Internet, yes. But so do horny old perverts who’d like nothing more than to hear about your dong. In other words, when you see THIS:
You really might be talking to THIS:
But what is it that’s more shocking? The fact that Uncle Ed over here is on his ten year old 486 computer chatting to you about sucking your cock, or the fact that YOU are oblivious to the warning signs that you are not actually talking to a girl, but a middle-aged married closet homosexual? And there ARE warning signs. That’s what this article is here for… so you can tell the girls apart from the men who just pretend to be girls.
WARNING SIGN #1: What is in a Name?
Let me hit you with some knowledge: Girls know that they are female. That said, they generally don’t pick screen-names that have girl in them. If the screen name says CHICK, GIRL, GURL, GAL, BABY, ANGEL or BABE and is followed by some random numbers then either the girl is actually a guy, actually a girl who LOOKS LIKE A GUY and has to reassure herself she doesn’t actually HAVE a nutsac, or too young for you to even associate with as she is a fucking retard. Someone who has to put their gender in their name is most likely NOT one, and is trying to reinforce their femininity to you.
WARNING SIGN #2: A Picture is Worth… More Pictures.
Do you see the picture above? This is called a picture from a webcam. They are typically 320x240 (and if you have a cheap one, greenish in color and fuzzy). Usually people who have webcams take more than one picture. In some extreme cases, they take 80-100 pictures and never smile. However there is no such thing as a person who only has ONE picture from a webcam. If someone tells you otherwise, they are lying.
Common excuses that a person will use to counter having only one photo include: “My webcam broke.” Contrary to popular belief, even the cheapest webcam can survive a few falls unless you throw it against a wall or it falls from about five stories up. A webcam will not break after one picture unless you are exceptionally ugly.
The same goes for people who have ANY pictures in general. Usually a person doesn’t take just one photo.
WARNING SIGN #3: ME.JPG
The minute you notice that images sent to you are named ME.JPG, be afraid. This means that the person couldn’t think of anything better to name it, or sincerely has to again, name it “ME” to convince themselves (and you) that it is actually them. Me.Jpg usually never comes to the party alone and brings the chain combo of me2.jpg and me3.jpg. A lot of the time you can be assured the Me.Jpg series is fake if me2 or me3 happens to include a picture of whoever was in me.jpg less clothed. People aren’t that quick to get butt-ass naked on camera, and even less quick to send them to you in rapid succession. Me.Jpg isn’t the only nasty one. You have to also watch out for 04832.jpg, followed by 04833.jpg. These are usually how pictures in a series are numbered, whereas when taken by a digital cam they tend to have IMG or DSC prefixes before the numbers ever start. Only porn sites tend to name their pictures just numbers without prefixes. And for crying out loud, pay attention to the names. If the girl told you her name was Crystal, and sends you Melissa.jpg, then obviously it’s not the same person. Pay attention.
Also keep note of pictures that have the bottom cropped, or covered by a square at the bottom. These pictures used to have copyrights and the person removed them. In some cases, the truly stupid won’t remove them at all!
And be realistic. Chances are people who look like something out of a Swimsuit magazine have better things to do than browse the Internet, like doing lines of coke and getting gangbanged by football players. They are not staying at home on Friday night chatting with YOU.
WARNING SIGN #4: WHUT AN NICE VOCABULARY U HAVE, LOL J/K!
Watch the typing. The more typos and mistakes someone makes, either they are too stupid to chat with, or trying too hard to type like a girl, as the stereotypes of girls on the Internet insist ThEy AlL ChAT LiKE tHiS LOLOLOLOL and use a lot of emoticons (faces such as :) :( ;) ^_~ ^_^ O_o and >_< ). Watch out for girls who want to talk about sex right away. The typical rule is a girl has to LIKE you before wanting sex with you. This will never change. However, most men will never grasp this concept, since they for the most part inherently have their minds on sex all the time, and therefore the quicker a girl is to ask you your dick size and talk to you about fucking, the higher the chance is she’s just a man trying to get off on the hope you’ll fulfill their sick little fantasies of them being a schoolgirl while you bang them. A good countermeasure to this all is to simply get them on the phone. We live in the cellular age and as such a good 75% of cellular phone plans offer unlimited nationwide long distance, free minutes after 7 or 9 p.m. and on weekends, and unlimited provider-to-provider calling. With the rampant spread of cellular phones there is no reason a person would not want to talk to you on it, unless they weren’t who they said they are and have too much bass in their voice to possibly be a woman.
“I don’t have a phone.”
I've heard this one so many times. If you buy that excuse, you’re a moron. Everyone who has the Internet has a phone. Not to mention I’d think it’d be pretty difficult to even function in the 21st century without a phone. If you fall for this, you deserve to be exploited by a middle-aged man, and I hope he convinces you to get naked so he can post your dick all over some Middle Aged Old Perverts Headquarters Forum.
WARNING SIGN #5: BEST PROFILE EVER.
This is short, simple and to the point: If they don’t have a profile, it’s because they like to change who they are pretending to be to other people. They might be Carrie to you, but they’re Crystal to another poor sap and Anna to another. To set up a profile means being stuck with the same lie to tell everyone, and liars would get bored with that.
One nice way to test this involves having Trillian, DeadAIM or something that allows you to use more than one connection on a chat client at once. Have another name start a conversation with someone. If they tell you they’re someone else, you’ve caught them in the act. Simple, easy, and most liars never see it coming.
So hopefully we have now learned A LOT from these rules in hopes that you will not be deceived by others online.
Now you know…
...and KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE. | 
